Dealing With Uneven Relationships

Abstract flower painted by ME! lol

Hey y'all! What a beautiful day today; I really feel summer coming! I'm just bursting with creative energy...so much so that I couldn't sleep last night. I came up with some ideas for my new canvas and collection of poetry that I'm going to do instead of my short story idea! So, yeah, life has been good!

Today I wanted to talk about uneven relationships/friendships. Chances are, everyone has been in one at one time or another. But what is it? Uneven relationships is just my term for a relationship or friendship where one person gives more of their time, love, energy, and care than the other person. Myself?? I'm always the person giving more rather than taking more. And today, I'm going to tell you how to stop doing that.

Now, before we begin, I want to say that it's not necessarily a bad thing if you take more than you give. You might just need more love, time, energy, whatever, at the time. But it gets very draining on the giver, so that's who I'm going to focus on today. 

You can instantly recognize being a giver if you're more of the "mom" friend, the person that people always go to for advice and help, the caring one. There's nothing wrong with being that, but it HAS to be in moderation. 

1. Respect yourself and your time. You are a valuable person. You care and love and help others. But you must also do those same things for yourself. Practice self care and self love, be understanding to your limits and issues. You are worth it. Also, your time is valuable. Don't squander it or waste it on people who aren't worth it. It will just drain you and run you into the ground. 

2. Acknowledge the uneveness of the relationship. It's important to recognize where you stand and just how much energy you're putting into it. It might hurt to realize the other person isn't doing their fair share, but you have to come to terms with it. 

3. Set boundaries. Now that you've had the realization you're in an uneven relationship, you must set boundaries for yourself and the other person. For instance, if this person calls you in the middle of the night complaining and disrupting your sleep, set a boundary. Either tell them please respect my sleep time and wait to complain in the daytime or just turn your phone off at night. If the other person constantly drains you with their negativity and wrings you dry asking for advice, limit talking to them perhaps only once a week or so. Or firmly tell them, you're in a bad headspace at the moment and can't focus on helping them right now. Boundaries are your friend, they will help. Don't be afraid to speak out!

4. Know when to get the hell out. If the friendship or relationship starts feeling overwhelmingly negative, toxic, tiring, unfulfilling, then that's your sign to hit the road Jack. Remember #1 and how you and your time is valuable? Part of that is learning what you deserve in a relationship and how you want to be treated. This can be the hardest step, but it's a life saving step. Use it accordingly. 

Those are the basic steps I've learned along the way in dealing with people. I hope y'all find this relatable and maybe even helpful! The biggest thing I want people to take away from this is just how valuable you and your time is and how you're worth more than you settle for :) Hope you all have a great evening and I'll see ya tomorrow! 

Alette