Mental Health Update -I'm A Slug Person-

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A post shared by 🍒Alette🍒 (@bookishmunchkin) on Aug 7, 2019 at 1:03pm PDT

Hey y'all! Sorry I've been absent the past few days, as the title says, I've been a slug person. I've been so very tired and sluggish and just basically useless. Well, I feel useless anyways. My brain keeps having negative thoughts directed at me. Thoughts like the aforementioned "I'm useless". Also, "I'm not good at anything", "I'm not busy enough or good enough", "I'm a loser"...lovely stuff like that.

It's really hard when you're already not feeling well and your brain talks so mean to you and about you. I can't even ignore it, so it's really been bringing me down. Another thing that has affected me mentally is trying to write my poetry and short stories. It's been making me manic and my thoughts race so fast and my mind is just in turmoil whenever I do it. So I decided to stop writing (fiction that is, I'll always blog!) and just calm myself down. Even doing art is starting to stress me out too, which is so frustrating. Again, I go back to feeling useless. 

But, I've been figuring out what DOES help me. Coloring is a lifesaver! I can still be creative but not have to feel the pressure of creating original art. Plus it's cute, fun, and takes my mind off things. I've been binge eating, wayyy too much. I'm ashamed but I do use food as a comfort to me. Sometimes the only thing that can quiet my mind is some carbs lol. I'll have to work on that. And I've been sleeping a lot. Sometimes the only escape from your mind is to dream of happier things. So that's what I do!

I realize that I need to be gentle with myself and not beat myself up. But it's so hard not to. Most of my problems root in my being so insecure and having no confidence. It's like after I was diagnosed with all of my mental illnesses, my confidence and security went KABOOM! and disappeared. I'm going to try and build it up again, but it's been almost 7 years since I was diagnosed and nothing has changed. 

Anyway, enough of me complaining, that's just where I'm at. If you're feeling like crap too, know you're not alone! I'm sending all of you a big virtual hug *HUG* Hang in there, it always gets better!

Alette